My heart beats in unsure sidesteps, a-doki, a-doki – holds and release
I feel you with each squeeze, the crunch of your nails digging into the pockmarks of my skin
The ones you created, loosened, made indents in the smoothness of my back, like a paragraph
I was scared that if afraid that if you lost grip, I could not wrestle you back.
The radio whines and mutters in my brain, as thudding water fills my ear drums
Your breath on my face was enough to prove the ocean before us
But now I wish we had taken pictures by the pier before it got dark.
Obama’s voice cracks like clear lightening, crumbles like a wave,
Something about the gun control, something about the homeless.
My sheets are wet when I wake up, I wonder if you were there
The sweat and the body fluids and the tears and maybe you were there to
To cradle me, between the sheets, until you evaporated out.
Ryan is a delightful student to have in my class / very bright / seems to excel at math / very good at English as well
But the echo of your footsteps all always up and down the halls for me.
But the faces in the pictures are always sending wee ghosts to jump back at me at white walls
And your voice, on all the phones, I don’t know why I hear you in these young men that call me
Meanwhile it always rains and I hate the rain.
I am leaving Seattle because I am sleepless, I will pick up the phone, maybe call the radio
Slam the door of the car, stumble in, fumble with the keys – if I can remember how to drive – you always drove me before – slide like a dream into the open street
“Let’s go Ryan”
They said they’ll be sending you off abroad so I don’t know why they don’t just goddamn do it – when you’re at home you’re never home.
Maybe when you’re deployed I’ll be able to get over you. I-I said maybe when you’re deployed I’ll be able to forget about you.
This poem is an update from “Nightmare,” written for class.